Are you an Overshopper/Overspender?

You’re Not Alone–
This Blog Can HelpĀ 

To Buy or Not To Buy? – it’s a question we ask and answer almost every day, and sometimes multiple times a day. For many people, it doesn’t cause a lot of inner turmoil, but for compulsive buyers, it’s a high stakes question, and an affirmative answer can be devastating. Long trivialized as the “smiled-upon” addiction, thankfully, compulsive buying is coming farther and farther out of the closet, and the release of movies like Confessions of a Shopaholic is bringing the problem into the limelight.

We have reason to believe it’s becoming more prevalent. A study reported in the October 2006 issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry suggested that about 5.8% of the U.S. population-more than fifteen million Americans-are compulsive buyers. A more recent study, published in the December, 2008 issue of the Journal of Consumer Research suggests that the number may be closer to 8.9%, more than 25 million Americans. And now with the economic crisis, compulsive shoppers are feeling squeezed. Some are unable to resist prices which have been slashed to the bone in the hope of luring reluctant consumers. Others, fearing for their long term job stability, are using the recession as the boost they needed to become more mindful about their spending. And between these two poles, there are a multitude of other responses that overshoppers are having to the current economic downturn, ranging from denial to absolute panic.

When we think “addiction,” what first comes to mind is most likely alcohol or drugs or eating disorders. Even though we know that shopping, when done to excess, can spin dangerously out of control, shopping is still seen by many as superficial, light fare. Strongly reinforced by society, shopping has become the classic mixed-message behavior. On the one hand, it’s promoted endlessly (and to the ends of the earth) by those who profit from it. On the other hand, it’s regularly the stuff of jokes. Shoppers are portrayed as self-involved, materialistic, and empty. As a result, compulsive shopping may be an even greater source of guilt and shame than alcoholism or drug abuse, which are seen as bona fide disorders, requiring treatment.

So why the mixed-messages? Given the fact that consumption fuels our economy, in order to promote the ceaseless stoking of economic engines, every one of us is targeted as a consumer. We are pushed, prodded, programmed to purchase. In 2006, 9.2 billion credit card offers went out to America’s three hundred million people-more than thirty offers to every man, woman, and child! Shopping itself has become a leisure and lifestyle activity; malls are the new town centers. We’re immersed, cradle to grave, in “buy messages” that, with greater and greater psychological sophistication, misleadingly associate products we don’t need with feelings we deeply desire.

Just check out the bumper stickers. “When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Go Shopping,” trumpets an SUV in front of me. For those who enjoyed high school Latin, there’s “Veni, Vidi, Visa!” A largely female version is “New Shoes Chase the Blues,” while men weigh in with “He Who Has the Most Toys When He Dies, Wins.”

What I’ve learned from a decade and a half of knowing, studying, working with, and writing about overshoppers-and from having been one myself-is that to change your behavior, you’ve got to change the way you feel about yourself and the way you go about meeting your authentic needs. It’s about understanding who you are, what you want, and what you really need.

In general, having more things means enjoying life less. Acquiring and maintaining objects can so fill up our lives and environment that there’s little time or space to use what’s been acquired. What we consume ends up consuming us.

In this blog, I’ll share what I know about why we overshop, how we can prevent it, and what tools, techniques and strategies are useful for eliminating it. I’ll also keep you updated on current research findings, relevant books, and other timely information for overshoppers and the people who love them.

Warm regards,
April Benson

Comments

  1. Hi, This is my first blog and long overdue. I am a compulsive, impulsive shopper and have been for a long time. I have been home with an illness and get very bored reading and watching TV. I am currently waiting for SSDI which could take a while. I do have very low self esteem and I know that’s part of it. One of my best friends is a major shopper. I mean diamonds, fur, etc..anything she wants she can afford. She works and lives at home. She is 48. I am 47 and married with one income. It’s hard to be with her. I love her to pieces but when she’s out buying whatever she wants and I’m with herm it stinks. I feel horrible and worthless! What can I say, if anything, that will not ruin my friendship with her? Like I said, I do have an illness and the large part of my going out is to doctor’s appt.s. I rarely go out because I am in too much pain so if the oppurtunity arises, I go. Maybe not the best idea? I could say I don’t feel well? HELP!
    Thanks!!! Lynne

    • Dear Lynne,

      I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time physically. It’s got to be very tough to be sick for an extended period of time, so I can understand why, when your friend invited you to go shopping with her, that you go. I’m wondering if you and your friend might “shop” for something else to do with your time together. You might give some thought to what you get out of shopping, i.e. relief from boredom, excitement, a way to distract yourself from pain and think of another way to get some of the same experience. Learning to handle social pressure, in this case, the social pressure of your friend inviting you to go shopping, is very important. You need to think about what you can way to her that communicates your desire to be with her, along with your need to be with her in a different way and in a different place. Depending upon the nature of your relationship, you might want to tell her the negative effect that compulsive shopping has had on you, which is why you want to look for other things to do with her. If she’s a good and kind friend, she’ll be able to hear and respond to you.

      I wish you a full recovery and the patience and perseverance to stop overshopping.

      Warm regards
      April Benson

  2. An excellent resource! Clinically, I’ve seen this spending problem increasing over the years. When you spoke of shame and guilt that rang true; the very affects compulsive shoppers are often trying to medicate against, end up becoming stronger. Totally agree self understanding is critical.
    Glad I found this page.
    Adam

    • Dear Adam,

      Thanks so much for your lovely comments and astute observation about the very affects compulsive shoppers are often trying to medicate again, end up becoming stronger.

      Warm regards,
      April Benson

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